Childhood: Bonding With Autistic Children
Whether your child is autistic or you work with autistic children, you likely have found that you struggle to interact with them as a neurotypical adult. This post will address some simple ways to connect with the autistic children in your life.
The most important thing is to meet the child where they’re at, without putting neurotypical standards and biases on them. Understand that they will always communicate differently than you, so treat it like you are learning a new language. If you try to force your child to appear neurotypical, you risk damaging them and your relationship.
Now that you are ready to interact with the child, try engaging in some co-regulation strategies. You have probably observed your child regulating themselves by rocking, spinning, or other motor behaviors, so try joining in! These behaviors are pleasant for your child, so encouraging them to do so by joining in will teach them to associate that pleasantness with you. A great example of this is holding your child in a cross-legged hug on the floor and rocking with them. You can think of it like you are soothing them if that helps.
Similar to sharing regulation behaviors, you should make an effort to learn about your child’s interests. If they are crazy about trains, maybe learn some train facts that you can talk about the next time they bring it up. If your child likes to line up their toys, verbally encourage them by complimenting their hard work and ask them if they’d like you to join or if they need more materials. Your child will notice these gestures and feel more comfortable sharing themselves with you, especially if your child is older.
In many ways, parenting an autistic child is no different than parenting a neurotypical child. There are just a few things that you need to be more acutely aware of, such as the environment and your child’s meltdown triggers. You are your child’s biggest advocate as they learn how to navigate the world, so you should make sure your child feels understood and seen by you. Joining them in what they are already doing will allow you to learn why they are doing things and will allow you to connect with them on a deeper level than if you try to enforce your own self onto them. Ultimately, whether your child is autistic or not, they are a person, so you should connect with them like any other person.
Childhood: Autism and Trauma
Trigger warning: this post mentions traumatic experiences, ableism, sexual assault, and suicide
Research into the long term impacts of being autistic on physical and mental health are scarce. Any research that does exist usually focuses on children instead of adults as information is often easier to gather from parents before a child grows up and leaves the household. Because of this, I will be speaking on my own experience of autism and trauma as well as the perspectives of people I have spoken with about this issue.
Generally speaking, growing up with any marginalized identity is in some way traumatic for a child. This includes being a minority racial group or of a lower socioeconomic status or being an immigrant, but it also includes neurocognitive impairments like autism. Growing up autistic in a world that is built for neurotypicals and is generally unforgiving of differences is traumatic for the young autistic. Because of a lack of mental health care in the United States, this trauma can go unnoticed for several years.
Especially for AFAB autistics, whose autism often goes undiagnosed and unaccommodated for, rates of anxiety, depression, and suicide are higher than AFAB neurotypicals. These mental health problems are often related to ableism in school and in the workplace like being bullied by peers for stimming in public.
Certain types of traumatic events, including sexual assault, are more common for people on the autism spectrum than neurotypicals and even some other types of neurodivergence like ADHD. Psychologists tend to believe that this is due to autistic people lacking understanding of neurotypical social cues and how to respond to uncomfortable situations. Until recently, there was a pervasive stereotype that autistic people were more likely to perpetrate sexual assault due to their lack of understanding social boundaries, but modern research shows that the opposite is actually true.
Trauma is usually treated by using talk therapy, usually CBT, where an individual meets with a therapist regularly to discuss their traumatic event and their thoughts/feelings about that event. This type of format is often inaccessible to autistic people due to a lack of therapists specifically qualified to have these sessions in an autistic friendly fashion. Most autistics I have discussed mental health with have said that they prefer using medication for their mental health because they only have to see the psychiatrist for 15 minutes every few months rather than seeing a therapist once per week. However, research shows that the best therapeutic results come from the client having psychiatry and therapy.
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, use this phone number to speak to someone!
800-273-8255
Childhood: AFAB vs AMAB Presentation
In the interest of being as inclusive as possible while discussing the diagnostic disparities among biological sex, we will be using the terms Assigned Male At Birth (AMAB) and Assigned Female At Birth (AFAB). This link has more information about what those terms mean if you want to learn more!
The majority of people professionally diagnosed and treated for autism are AMAB. This translates to stereotypes about how autism presents itself that can be harmful for people who are AFAB. These stereotypes in media often include specific fixations (trains, science, etc.) and social awkwardness that is usually the comedic relief. By reducing autism to these traits, we ignore a large portion of the population and their needs.
Sex differences in diagnosis rates are slowly decreasing as diagnostic physicians are learning about the different presentations of autism, and this is also associated with the “modern increase in autism” that some people use as a claim to invalidate the autistic experience. More is being learned about autism, specifically the wide range of presenting symptoms, so as more information is gathered we will continue to see more people who fit those criteria to be diagnosed.
In American society, young AFAB children are socialized to be docile, demure, and quiet. Therefore, a child who naturally fits those traits, even to the extreme, is praised and their caregivers are not alerted to any potential issue until the child is older and can verbally express their experiences. On the other hand, a young AMAB child who is much more reserved than his peers will ring the alarm bells for his caregivers to get him evaluated for autism.
This disparity in diagnosis rates is exacerbated by the biases of physicians and pediatricians who might not be educated on the presentations of autism. Autism used to be medically considered to be a “little white boy” condition that did not impact other members of the population, but research overwhelmingly suggests that rates of autism are just as strong in other groups. AFAB children are significantly less likely to receive any kind of early intervention for their autism and often are not diagnosed until their teens or adulthood, when acquiring a diagnosis is significantly harder. This leads to worse outcomes for AFAB autistics overall because they have less access to the already scarce resources for the autistic community.
If you are wondering how this disparity applies to your family or practice, I ask you to evaluate the presence of AFAB autistics in your life. If you have one autistic child, it is significantly more likely that your other children will be autistic, so kids should be evaluated by professionals who are educated in the nuances of the condition. If you work in a practice that only seems to have AMAB autistic people receiving services, perhaps you need to evaluate the professionals you are getting referrals from to make sure that they are adequately evaluating their AFAB clients. As always, remember that the neurotypical, or non-autistic, population has a duty to ensure that their autistic counterparts are represented and respected, and that includes AFAB autistics.
Childhood: Early Traits of Autism
The CDC has a concise summary of autism for parents who are wondering if their child might be autistic. Generally, a child’s pediatrician will be the one to make the referral for testing, but this can also come from teachers, daycare professionals, or family members. Early diagnosis and intervention is critical for a child’s success with their diagnosis in the future, and testing can rule out more serious conditions like neurological diseases.
More detailed information about the symptoms of autism and how they can be portrayed in different individuals is scheduled to be released here in early 2022, but there are certain indicators that can appear extremely early in childhood. Not responding to their name, avoiding eye contact, and not using gestures to communicate are all social indicators that would appear before the child is one year in age. Other traits include repetitive motions (stimming), delayed motor skills, and unusual emotional reactions.
As a good rule of thumb, parents and other caregivers should be spending enough time with each child to be able to tell if any behaviors are new or recurring. This will assist any diagnosticians with evaluating the child for any conditions, not just autism. If your child is recommended for autism testing, remember that this is by no means a moral label on you or your child. As I have expressed many times on this page, autism is poorly represented in the media and your child is not doomed by an autism diagnosis. Your child is absolutely perfect just the way they are, and the best thing you can do for them is to love them unconditionally.
Social, motor, and emotional differences are the most common early traits of autism. This is not meant to be a comprehensive list, and you should also seek out the opinion of a professional who has direct experience with your child to be able to make the best decision for them.