Childhood: Bonding With Autistic Children
Whether your child is autistic or you work with autistic children, you likely have found that you struggle to interact with them as a neurotypical adult. This post will address some simple ways to connect with the autistic children in your life.
The most important thing is to meet the child where they’re at, without putting neurotypical standards and biases on them. Understand that they will always communicate differently than you, so treat it like you are learning a new language. If you try to force your child to appear neurotypical, you risk damaging them and your relationship.
Now that you are ready to interact with the child, try engaging in some co-regulation strategies. You have probably observed your child regulating themselves by rocking, spinning, or other motor behaviors, so try joining in! These behaviors are pleasant for your child, so encouraging them to do so by joining in will teach them to associate that pleasantness with you. A great example of this is holding your child in a cross-legged hug on the floor and rocking with them. You can think of it like you are soothing them if that helps.
Similar to sharing regulation behaviors, you should make an effort to learn about your child’s interests. If they are crazy about trains, maybe learn some train facts that you can talk about the next time they bring it up. If your child likes to line up their toys, verbally encourage them by complimenting their hard work and ask them if they’d like you to join or if they need more materials. Your child will notice these gestures and feel more comfortable sharing themselves with you, especially if your child is older.
In many ways, parenting an autistic child is no different than parenting a neurotypical child. There are just a few things that you need to be more acutely aware of, such as the environment and your child’s meltdown triggers. You are your child’s biggest advocate as they learn how to navigate the world, so you should make sure your child feels understood and seen by you. Joining them in what they are already doing will allow you to learn why they are doing things and will allow you to connect with them on a deeper level than if you try to enforce your own self onto them. Ultimately, whether your child is autistic or not, they are a person, so you should connect with them like any other person.
